5 silly and sinister entries from a 1950’s encyclopedia (with pics) to laugh at or cry as you wish

We can look to history to understand the unprecedented present. Or, at least, cope for a few moments knowing that sh*t has hit the fan before.

Photo by James on Unsplash

Ask people to pick a point in history for time travel, and emerge some distinct groups. There are lovers of period piece aplenty, vintage fanatics, and the Dungeons and Dragons folk…

Then there are people who rightly fear worse marginalization from the horrors of society’s past. The idea of time travel sparks a fiery debate.

Most of us in the present are social distancing, so travel of any kind is scaled back or obsolete. All the better to do some historical digging, in my opinion. Here are 5 silly and sinister entries from a 1950’s encyclopedia (with pictures) to laugh at or cry as you wish.

5. Afghanistan

A photo of the Afghanistan entry. It reads: Afghanistan is a small country in southwestern Asia, about halfway around the world from the United States. It is wedged in among the countries of Iran, Pakistan, and the U.S.S.R., and has no outlet to the sea. It is about the size of Texas, having an area of 250,966 square miles, and about 15 million people live there, which is about one and a half as many as there are in Texas.

Wow! Talk about ethnocentrism. Every sentence in that definition reads like it was written by a jealous American sorority girl. She begrudgingly signed up to make a Tinder profile for the new, hot, study-abroad chick.

I am also reminded that I have no idea how big Texas-big really is. Frankly, I learned about this phenomenon on an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. That childhood memory was safely tucked away in the list of things that the Midwest shields me from, I think.

4. Advertising (in the 19th century)

A photo for the Advertising listing. There is a blue, black, and white illustration of a ship with large sails. The caption reads: Most advertising today depends on pictures for “eye appeal,” but illustrated ads were a new idea in 1820, when this pioneer picture was used. It used a “current event” — Captain James Lawrence’s famous words in the War of 1812, “Don’t give up the ship.”

Well, this encyclopedia really has a light and airy way of describing terrible things like war and the male gaze. I mean, all jokes aside, an eight-year-old slogan from the war of 1812 was used for an advertisement later on. Can you imagine a bunch of people today holding onto nationalist pride from a totally preventable war that Americans largely died in? And then reviving the ideas of a leader involved in the mass tragedy? Oh, wait…

A YouTube video titled, “8 Years of ‘Bushisms”. The video is placed here to invoke a sense of sarcasm about celebrating failed leadership.

3. Acrobats

The Acrobats entry reads: Acrobats have been popular in circuses for years, and are often seen on television. There is an accompanying photo that shows the American Broadcasting Company filming as one circus performer stands on top of another.

Oh! Acrobats on television. So, that’s what Fox News has been up to. You see, back at the start of the pandemic, Fox News and Sean Hannity coverage specifically and consistently called Covid-19 a hoax. It is okay, everybody, the network is actually preparing an acrobatic show, featuring the the world’s most dramatic flip-flop from Trump tower.

2. Academic Freedom

Snippets of the entry for Academic Freedom read: …It is a teacher’s right to express to his students his knowledge and beliefs without control by any government. Many of those who believe in academic freedom say it should include the teacher’s freedom from control of his private life; that he should never lose his teaching position because of his opinions, his membership in a particular political party, or his personal habits.

Yikes. At face value, this one may seem innocent. But read it again in a voice like Mitch McConnell’s and academic freedom starts to sound a lot like like the defense argument for the NXIVM cult leader. Your honor, your honor, I branded and brainwashed these young women to establish their freedom from the weight of limitless choice and opportunity in today’s age. Ladies should never be forced to deny a chance of forced servitude to me.

1. Advertising (Modern)

The example for Advertising reads: Here you see two examples of unusual and successful advertisements which are the products of a modern, creative advertising agency. The ad on the right reads: This ad may spoil a country. Ecuador is a pleasant little country with fine weather, good beaches, casinos… You can walk almost the whole length of Quito (which still looks like the 17th century) without finding one discarded (20th century) film wrapper. The most exclusive restaurants will feed you until you scream for mercy, and then charge you less than $4.00. In the advertisement, there are small photos of cookware, architecture, and women.

As I read this ad, I thought it must be a New Yorker who wrote it. They are the only city-dwellers that I know who might measure distance by litter on the street. But feeding until screaming for mercy? Sounds pretty New Jersey foreign mom to me. Come in, Ecuador. You starved little thing. Have some lasagna with us, we’ll spoil you rotten. Do they have ovens where you’re from, dear?

And alas, we’ve reached the end of the list. At least, the list that made it to publishing. Before you go, I have one more tidbit from the 1950’s encyclopedia. This is the first sentence in the entry for advertising, “Advertising is telling other people that you have something you want to sell them.”

Well, there you have it. To my readers, consider this article an advertisement. The product is a doozy, though. Sarcasm. The currency of vanguards in a digital era that continually asks, “how did we get here?”